Not getting dates on dating apps

Not getting any dates on Bumble, Hinge or Tinder? Welcome to the club. Even if you get matches, you’re hardly getting any dates. One study estimates 1.7% of matches or 1 in 57 matches results in an in-person date. Better get swiping!

Source: Sex & Psychology

5 Posts
Most Voted
Newest Oldest
Inline Feedback
View all posts
Alban Duro
Influence
June 20, 2022 8:10 am

Opinion: Dating apps are useless, toxic, depressing and a waste of time. This 1:57 ratio of dates-to-matches confirms it. What a lousy percentage! My biggest problem on dating apps is communication. In my experience it is so difficult to communicate with matches, which is why such a small number of dates naturally follow.

I put in effort to write a bio and post interesting photos. There’s more than enough material to draw from to start or build on a conversation. That’s how I do it. I look at a match’s bio and photos and build the conversation on that. But I would say 90% of my matches go with hi, how are you?, how’s your day/weekend? It’s so pointless. A part of me dies inside every time a match talks to me like that, but even when I do reply, I hardly ever hear back. Why the hell did you match with me if you don’t want to talk, or eventually meet?! The people on dating apps are just… weird.

Personally I like to keep my bio polite, upbeat and friendly. But I’m getting so tempted to put in some requirements:

  • DON’T ask how are you?, how’s your day/weekend? Try a bit harder.
  • DO put some effort in the conversation.
  • DON’T match with me and never reply.

I haven’t done that yet because I’m worried I’ll come across as rude. The thing is, it’s getting so annoying talking to people on dating apps that can’t converse at even a basic, fundamental level.

Then there are the one word answers. I often ask questions that I’ve come up with by reading bios and noticing details in their photos. It’s damn annoying to get one word responses back. Put some effort into it, dammit! Ask a question back for crying out loud. How are some people so conversationally inept that they can’t understand that a conversation is a TWO WAY thing, not an interview!? I had a laugh recently when I saw a profile that said “Don’t reply to me with one word answers. I’m not a journalist you idiot“. I know exactly how this feels. Good to know it happens on both sides, to guys and girls. I think I’ll crack soon and write:

If you’re going to match with me, please learn how to have a conversation. It’s a TWO WAY thing, which means you need to put some effort in as well.

Tinder is a total mess of an app. But let’s talk about Bumble. This is an app that’s supposed to be empowering for women. The ball is in their court to initiate conversations how they want. Guess what opener I get 99% of the time on Bumble?

Hi.

Really? That’s all you have? Jeez. Read my bio for goodness sake. Say something about that. Is it really that difficult? What am I not understanding? Once in a blue moon I’ll match with someone who goes beyond the “Hi” and asks something like “Where are you from?”. Good question, I guess… Not really. IT’S ON THE FIRST LINE OF MY BIO!!!

Dating apps make you want to give up on humanity. No wonder so many people are getting fed up with them and deleting them for good.

Rolando Orlando
Potential
June 21, 2022 9:24 am

As someone who’s been in a very toxic relationship, I wish I hadn’t met my ex in the first place. In all these dates that aren’t materializing, think about how many bullets you’re dodging. Not all dates are the same. I’ve had some date fails that would have been better off at the “match” phase and not having progressed to the “date” phase.

I get the impression we’ve all had the ‘counsellor’ date fail. Your date starts off normally and you think things are going well. Then the conversation turns to their ex and the next hour is spent being an impromptu therapist. Whenever I go on a date I don’t want to talk or even think about my ex, and I damn well don’t want to talk about your ex. The counsellor dates are the worst because your date (patient) just wants validation. It’s not my fault, is it? I think my ex was being unreasonable, don’t you? I get that it takes time to get over past relationships, but please don’t burden it on your current date who has nothing to do with it.

My latest date fail is puzzling. I met someone for lunch and the conversation went well. On the same page, I thought. Then we agreed to visit a festival that was in town for 2 weeks. Stalls, food, live music. It was crowded but a nice vibe anyway. My date had been there last year and offered to show me around. Ok, I said. Could be fun, why not? When we arrived she made a beeline toward a building that had lots of electronics stalls. We weren’t walking together. I was following her. That set the tone for the next hour. As we entered the building she was looking at mobile phone chargers and phone covers. Then at one point I was waiting 15 minutes while she perused headphones and battery chargers.

WTF, I thought. This is weird. Why did you ask me to come here if you’re just going to shop around while I wait doing nothing? After she had finished buying headphones, I thought she would realize that it was out of line to keep me waiting while she shops for stuff she could do in her own time. I thought we’d get back to our date, which I thought would be us 2 walking together, talking and checking out different food stall and attractions.

It was just bizarre. She didn’t seem to realize that it was disrespectful. She then walked toward a toy store and went in to shop for toys for her nephew. This time I was waiting 20 minutes for her to look at toys, and by now I was positively FUMING. How could she disrespect my time like this? And what made her think I’d be fine with waiting around while she shopped? What a truly, truly bizarre first date.

Finally when she came out of the store I told her I can’t do this. I can’t just wait around while you do your shopping. This isn’t my idea of a date. I’m going home. Her response? Ok. I still can’t get over how she thought it was acceptable to do that and secondly, how she could be so oblivious to it. I just can’t grasp how you can be so devoid of consideration for the person you’re on a date with. It’s probably one of the strangest dates I’ve been on.

If only 1 in 57 matches results in a date, it’s not such a bad thing. That’s potentially 56 bullets you’ve dodged.

viraljkp
Potential
June 22, 2022 4:47 am

Many people use dating apps with a strategy or game plan in mind. Instead of being themselves they use tactics that some dating guru has promised will enhance their chances of success. More often than not, these tactics are counterproductive. Instead of being themselves, some guys “neg” women (the opposite of a compliment) because of some myth that nice guys finish last.

For cultural reasons, women in some countries are encouraged not to message too much because they’ll come across as too eager, giving a poor impression of themselves. I find this to be counterproductive because if it’s me and someone isn’t really engaging with my messages, I think they aren’t interested and I move on to someone else. But that’s just me. Some guys like the challenge, the “thrill of the hunt” and “securing the prize”.

In summary, dating apps are swarming with users who are implementing strategies and are gamifying the process. Being yourself is outdated according to the so-called experts. That won’t get you anywhere. Instead you have to play the game and play it right. To prove that they have the know-how, these experts show screenshots of their Tinder matches. Hundreds of matches and hundreds of likes. These screenshots totally aren’t photoshopped. No one would fake their credentials on the internet!

The miniscule number of dates arising from matches is a combination of numerous factors, a large one I believe is this need to strategize interactions. When you meet a friend, you don’t plan out what you say in advance. You converse naturally. So why would you do this with a potential partner? And even if these strategies work at first, sooner or later you’ll have to be yourself. Do you really think you can keep strategizing throughout dating app conversations, actual dates, relationships, marriage and decades together? I think if you are building a connection on some strategy that isn’t you, it will be like dating a different person once you stop strategizing. How many times have we heard that people change during a relationship? They were so nice on the first few dates, now they’re a complete tool.

There are many things that can make you question the direction society is moving in. Online dating gurus, PUA courses and Tinder strategies are things that make me genuinely shake my head. I saw this book on Amazon and I really hope for the sake of our species that no one has bought it.

Facebook dating book.jpg
Kaitlyn Mora
Influence
June 21, 2022 4:44 am

The profiles matches dates funnel isn’t a deficiency of dating apps. It comes about as compatibility is given greater prevalence once you start talking with a match. At first we look at the profile of another user. We see things we like, we see things we’re not sure about. Sometimes we like a profile, unsure if there will be compatibility, but we like the profile anyway because we are open to the chance. Once we have matched, of course we don’t jump into a date immediately. Now we have a chance to dig deeper and see if the match is someone we would enjoy spending time with in person. That’s why I rarely meet a match straight away. I’m not looking for a pen pal but I also don’t want to meet someone without getting a better understanding of what he’s about. The profile could be fake after all.

Consider the matches-to-dates ratio a filter that’s looking out for your best interests. If you match with someone and they can’t string a proper sentence together, why would you want to meet them? At least your phone can be turned off. If I’m on a date with a guy who can only give one word answers and isn’t building on the conversation, I’m kinda stuck with him for the time being. I don’t know about you but I’d rather watch paint dry than to be in that situation.

The small number of dates that come about from matches is preferred, in my opinion. It’s a filter that isn’t a deficiency of dating apps, but instead a natural compatibility filter. I know a guy who travelled to Thailand and wanted to hook up with every girl he matched with. His only purpose was ‘fun’. He got what he asked for. He met someone at their apartment and while they were going at it, his hands were roaming freely, until he felt an unexpected body part. He had hooked up with a ladyboy! He got the surprise of his life 🤣 🤣 It probably would have been better to learn more about his match before meeting.

Rayan Tanwar
Influence
June 23, 2022 1:15 pm

Struggling to land a date? It could be because you aren’t talking to a person. Tinder is notorious for bots and fake profiles. NordVPN estimates that the percentage of bots on Tinder doesn’t break 20%. Though if you read the average user’s experience on Reddit for example, the estimate goes up to as high as 90%. In my experience it’s closer to the Reddit figure than the NordVPN estimate. It’s fairly straightforward to catch out a bot. Boilerplate messages abound, especially in the most irrelevant circumstances. Ask what they do for work and they will ll message you about the weather. Ask them what their plans are for the weekend and they will tell you their hometown. Eventually you will get a shady link to visit or be encouraged to invest in some crypto pyramid scheme. My favourite thing is messing with the bots. Punch in a random bunch of letters and see how the bot responds.

If it’s not a bot that you are talking to, it could be a scammer. At least you are talking to a real person this time. You might even land a date, though this won’t be a date in the traditional sense, more of a sales pitch. What could be more fun than being sold penny stocks and bullion investment opportunities?

The point is bots and fake profiles have run amok on Tinder, the most popular dating app in the world. This makes getting a date unlikely and undesirable. Unless Tinder can fix this issue, the dates we get from matches will continue to drop. This is a problem for any platform that gets many downloads/users. Facebook has to spend billions of dollars a year to delete fake accounts. This is also the reason Tinder has gradually been losing market share to other apps that take fake account moderation more seriously.

If I wanted to chat with a bot, I’d load up a chatbot.